Being on reality television has its ups and downs. Former Vanderpump Rules star Beau Clark recently confessed that he occasionally had, “dark thoughts,” especially during quarantine. Clark made his Vanderpump Rules debut when he began dating original cast member Stassi Schroeder in 2018, and the two eventually got married last October.
Clark recently opened up on fellow cast member Katie Maloney-Schwartz’s podcast You’re Gonna Love Me. The new dad shared that while he loves spending time with his wife and baby girl, he still has his struggles.
“I’ve been digging a mental depression almost in my head and it’s just self-sabotage,” he told Maloney-Schwartz on the March 26 episode. “And all of a sudden, I’m like, I need this. I need this to happen. I’m fearful of this [and] fearful of that.”
Clark Admitted He Has ‘Fear of the Future’
Prior to being a reality star and rockstar dad, Clark has had a career as a casting director. But due to the pandemic, production and casting has taken a major hit. The 41-year-old added that he faces new pressure with the recent birth of his daughter, Hartford Charlie Rose.
“I have so much fear of the future,” he said on the You’re Gonna Love Me podcast. “I have so much fear of if I’m going to be a good dad – I know I’m gonna be a good dad, but how am I gonna take care of my daughter, you know? Because work has been slow because of COVID. There’s not many things that are being cast. So, I’m stressing out and I’m literally broken down. I’m crying. I don’t think I would ever take medicine to make myself feel better, but it’s definitely been tough.”
Clark continued discussing occasional “dark thoughts” he has had when it comes to taking care of his family. “When I hold her sometimes or if I pick her up over a chair that has a sharp corner, or even anything, and I think about, ‘Oh my gosh, what if I dropped her?’ Yeah, dark thoughts!”
He added, “But when I think about that, I get nauseous to my stomach and I would have never thought that I would ever think about that. Like, one of my friends I saw on Instagram, their son went to the hospital, and just reading that I started crying. And I started getting really emotional because I was thinking about what if that happened [to Hartford.] You know, I have the dad thoughts and the dad heart now.”
Clark Also Opened Up About Being Bullied While Dating Schroeder
Joining a new friend group is never easy, especially one as public as the SUR group.
“I remember when I first met Stassi, it was like, ‘Oh, he’s just trying to get on the show,’” Clark continued saying on the podcast. “Oh, he just like you know, he just wants to build his career or just, you know, just like sh-t like that. And I’m like, that’s not true. I’m like, I actually really liked this girl, you know, and it was just more and more crap. I would read DMs, and it was…ugh, the awfulness.”
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