Watching ‘Gilmore Girls’ Reruns Is Not the Secret of Life – What We Know!

As a maskless Joe Biden entered the Home Chamber for his State of the Union tackle, shaking everybody’s hand, for a second, it seemed just like the world had returned to its regular “considerably” reliable self. However then my daughter, at the moment in regulation faculty, referred to as on the finish of Biden’s speech to ask me if I used to be following the unfold of the brand new COVID-19 variant BA.2, also referred to as “stealth” Omicron. She needed to know if I believed it could unfold in america and trigger one other wave of the pandemic. She then requested me if we must always purchase iodine tablets to guard us in opposition to Vladimir Putin’s potential use of nuclear weapons after Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. My daughter ended the dialog with, “OK, I’m going to look at an episode of the Gilmore Ladies to make myself really feel higher.”

I used to be not stunned how my daughter ended our dialog. Just a few months earlier, when she was house for the vacations in the course of the Omicron wave, she watched Gilmore Ladies episode after episode on Netflix. She had watched the present so many occasions I puzzled the way it nonetheless held her curiosity. After I requested my daughter why she saved watching Gilmore Ladies reruns, she answered, “I discover it soothing, Mother. I just like the characters. They’re reliable. I do know what is going to occur subsequent, and that comforts me.” I then turned to my youthful daughter, and she or he mentioned the very same factor.

I discussed this to my good friend, a senior lawyer at a Wall Avenue agency, and she or he says that she does the identical factor, however she watches SVU reruns. She tells me there may be all the time one thing dangerous occurring in the beginning of the episode, and normally, by the top of the episode, the characters resolve it. They shut the loop, and there may be certainty. It makes her really feel good. She additionally finds the characters predictable and reliable. I requested one other good friend, an artist, who was watching reruns of Property Brothers for the same repair, and my shopper, who runs her personal enterprise, likes reruns of The Bachelorette. It makes her really feel like she will discover love sooner or later and finds realizing how everybody will act hopeful and comforting.

I keep in mind watching a whole lot of reruns once I was younger, however I discovered them irritating, and no assist for what ailed me. I had my very own dependancy to certainty and a unique method to soothe it. I used to be all the time fearful about my grades, a boy liking me, or a summer time job. So, I’d write tales about what would occur subsequent in my life to make me really feel sure. Nonetheless, when not one of the plots performed out in actual life. I used to be left stunned and devastated and unable to deal with the twists and turns of life.

The one drawback is that these approaches to uncertainty—whether or not we attempt to write our personal plotlines or flip to current, acquainted ones—present us with solely non permanent reduction and escape. Beginning in my thirties, this realization that I couldn’t escape uncertainty performed an enormous position in my life. I obtained to some extent that I spotted certainty was unattainable as a result of something can change and be taken away. I believed my life can be safe once I turned a lawyer and obtained that large job at a regulation agency, solely to seek out out that they have been firing half the primary years due to the financial system. My job was saved however I by no means once more felt protected. The wedding I entered into for a lifelong dedication blew up when my husband got here house sooner or later and mentioned he needed to be with different girls. All of the issues I believed have been protected and safe have been nothing greater than decisions that led to experiences with simply as a lot uncertainty as anything in my life.

Enter the pandemic. Positive, we had heard about occasions like this in historical past, however most of us felt very sure one thing like this might by no means occur. I generally consider the Saturday Night time Reside sketch from final yr (which I noticed solely as soon as!) when a gaggle of individuals go to a psychic in 2019. She predicts one in all their boyfriends can be washing off the skin of a Doritos bag earlier than they open it—and the way sure they have been that this was essentially the most unlikely factor ever to occur.

As I write this now, if not for my pursuit of consolation within the unknown, I don’t understand how I’d have managed my husband leaving or coping with a worldwide pandemic. Positive, I had insufferable heartbreak, disappointment, and misplaced moments, however I used to be capable of maintain a free grip on hope realizing that uncertainty was my greatest ally as a result of if I needed my life to vary, it needed to occur within the unknown. Hope is a humorous factor. You don’t want that a lot hope for it to feed you and maintain you throughout difficult occasions.

Many people don’t understand that our despair usually sinks us rather more than the occasions that occur to us. Despair is merely one other type of certainty, making us consider that the previous and this second assure a sure future. A free grip on hope does the other. You see issues for what they’re, however you continue to get to consider within the potential of the unknown, the miracles, and the nice issues you could by no means predict. Yogi Berra as soon as mentioned, “The long run ain’t what it was.” At first look, the quote makes you giggle. At second look, we understand many people really really feel this manner and it’s our potential path to reside in despair.

So, when did uncertainty grow to be my ally? I want I might say I had this second and by no means questioned life once more, however that wouldn’t be true. Nonetheless, I had a decisive, “Aha” second that modified my life. I’ve written about this second many occasions in my books, and I’ve gone again and again it on my podcast, however it bears repeating. It’s the final word rerun, a Taoist story a couple of farmer.

Sooner or later, so the story goes, a farmer’s horse ran away. His neighbor got here by and mentioned, “You’ve got the worst luck.” The farmer replied to the neighbor, “Possibly.” The subsequent day, the horse returned with 5 mares, and his neighbor got here by and mentioned, “You’ve got the perfect luck.” The farmer replied, “Possibly.” The day after that, the farmer’s son was using the horse and fell off and broke his leg, and the neighbor got here by and mentioned to the farmer, “You’ve got the worst luck.” The farmer replied, “Possibly.” The subsequent day, the military got here trying to draft the boy for fight, however he couldn’t go as a result of his leg was damaged. The neighbor got here by and mentioned, “You’ve got the perfect luck.” Once more, the farmer mentioned, “Possibly.”

After I first heard this story, I keep in mind feeling a deep shift inside, however it took me some time to embrace this as my life philosophy. Because the years glided by, it has been my lifesaver and perspective for holding onto hope with out attaching to an consequence being a technique or one other. Identical to the farmer whose horse runs away, we lose jobs, individuals break our hearts, and companies go beneath, however the subsequent second all the time has the potential for one thing new. It may not be as large because the farmer’s son being spared from battle, however usually life adjustments ever so barely every day. Ultimately, a brand new path is created for us, and generally it really is healthier than we will think about. Different occasions it’s simply sufficient to squeeze some new experiences out of the second or create a life nonetheless value dwelling.

In my view, the perfect we will do is embrace the Possibly. Positive, issues may not work out to our liking. You’ll be able to confer with it because the “perhaps not,” however that is only one piece of uncertainty. The unknown additionally affords one other aspect of perhaps. Possibly what is occurring is sweet. Possibly we will settle for what is occurring and nonetheless be OK, or perhaps issues can get higher. This mind-set offers us the sliver of hope that propels us to get away from bed within the morning. Sufficient hope to create new enterprise even when the financial system is unsure, start new relationships even once we are heartbroken, and ship our youngsters again to highschool with masks (or no masks!) when COVID-19 continues to be in our communities.

For me, life isn’t any extra unsure now than it has ever been. I discover lately tougher at occasions however under no circumstances extra unsure. Many people are unaware that the uncertainty we run away from guidelines our lives whether or not we prefer it or not. The job we take, the individual we marry, or the enterprise we begin are all measured indirectly with our relationship with the unknown. How a lot danger can we tolerate? What number of issues are we “prepared to not know” in our relationship? How near turning into broke are you prepared to go to make your goals come true? It has all the time been a recreation of give up and letting go, however as a result of most days look the identical, we don’t all the time discover the fixed change of life. We miss out on all of the issues that should come collectively each day to make it look the identical and all of the delicate shifts that create change even once we can’t see it within the second.

However now, this has all grow to be a lot extra apparent. Questions like, “Is it actually protected to comply with the brand new CDC pointers on masks?” “Will my employer now ask me to come back to the workplace full-time?” “Can I take this trip to Europe or Asia this summer time or will there be one other variant?” “Will this pandemic ever finish and life get utterly again to regular?” “Will local weather change have an effect on the neighborhood I reside in?” “Is it potential that Russia’s invasion of Ukraine would be the begin of World Conflict III? And the listing goes on. We’re all at a crossroads. Both we develop a brand new relationship with the unknown, in a method to associate with it, or we reside with an unbelievable quantity of stress and fear whereas attempting to regulate issues which can be clearly out of our grasp.

If we will simply keep in mind life is stuffed with potential as a result of the unknown exists, we will reside in another way. Should you can shift to this angle—that life is all the time providing you one thing new—you’ll be extra prone to reside in surprise, creativity, and innovation. You’ll reside with much less stress and fear as a result of most pressures are future projections and never primarily based on the current. Once we acknowledge the opposite aspect of Possibly, every second affords us greater than our best worry. And even when our fears nonetheless exist, embracing all of Possibly offers us the view the place a lot extra is feasible.

I’m optimistic that this concept of Possibly offers you extra resilience and hope than watching reruns. You’ll have to strive it and let me know if it may well get up in opposition to reruns of the Gilmore Ladies or reruns of a very good season of the Bachelorette. Simply perhaps it may well!

Allison Carmen is a enterprise advisor, enterprise and life coach, podcast host, and creator. After fifteen years of working as an legal professional overwhelmed with anxiousness in regards to the future, Allison Carmen discovered hope and freedom when she found the Philosophy of Possibly which later turned her in style ebook The Reward of Possibly. At this time, Allison works as a life coach and enterprise advisor with an enormous array of individuals, from entrepreneurs and house owners of multi-million-dollar firms to artists, actors, writers, trend designers, attorneys, medical staff, nannies, and fogeys. Allison’s ebook, The Reward of Possibly, was printed by Perigee, an imprint of Penguin Random Home. Her latest ebook is A 12 months with out Males: A Twelve-Level Information to Encourage + Empower Girls (Skyhorse, 2021). Allison can be a preferred blogger for The Huffington Put up, Psychology At this time, and AARP’s The Ethel. For extra data go to www.allisoncarmen.com and subscribe to her podcast 10 Minutes to Much less Struggling.